On more than one occasion I have allowed myself to feel inferior to other mothers who have proclaimed "My children do NOT talk back to me." Then they have gone on to tell of the "one time they did and learned quickly never to do it again". Each has a different story of how they accomplished this feat with their children but they all have the same outcome: children who never dared to "talk back". I just listen in silence.
My children, all 3, are "back-talkers". There I've said it...even put it in print for anyone who finds themselves reading this blog. Have I, over the years, experienced times when I did not receive any "back-talk"? If course! But my kids have always felt free to do so when they deemed it necessary. I, like other parents, have spanked (rarely), grounded, attempted to shame, and given various punishments and consequences over my almost 28 years of parenting and have had some success. However, I cannot pretend to claim victory.
I hasten to say that I believe all 3 of my children love and respect me. They just don't always agree with what I say. Perhaps they have voiced their strong opinions too strongly on more than one occasion, but the fact remains they always felt free to speak their minds. Although, to keep peace, they have no doubt in more than one instance remained silent for one reason or another.
BUT...
They have also talked back in the face of injustice concerning not only themselves, but more often on the behalf of others. They have learned that yes, they have the right to respectfully question those in positions of authority. They have spoken out about what they truly believe even when it has not been easy...times when going along with the crowd would have been a much more popular stance. Along the way, when they have stumbled, made mistakes, and have learned life lessons, they have shared with others...opening themselves up to, in some cases, ridicule, but more often they have gained the satisfaction of knowing that their speaking out has helped someone along the way.
So, my kids are "back-talkers" and that's okay. I don't always agree with them, but I recognize that they are each unique individuals worthy of my respect. Do I have a small bit of envy to the parents who have mastered the art of relinquishing back-talk? Well, yeah, of course. I have just recognized that things are different in this family and all things considered, we're doing pretty well. :)
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2 comments:
I think there is a difference between expressing an opinion and "talking back." I happen to think I know what is best for Jay and Gerad (at this point in their lives) and I rarely tell, order, instruct, or admonish without concern for their well being...so, I'm open to discussing things to a certain extent, but I am not open to compromising their safety, health, education, and their ability to respect themselves.I am absolutely not open to being spoken to in a disrespectful manner...so, opinions need to be expressed as though they are expressing them to their mother...the person who holds all of their privileges in her hands. When it comes to issues such as politics, world events, or just the plain old happenings around us, I enjoy a lively discourse. We have some of our best "getting to know each other" moments when disagreeing about issues important to us.
Those that have kids that do not "back talk" have kids who "roll their eyes." That is worse to me than saying it out loud. I hate the rolling of the eyes.
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