My kids are "back-talkers"

On more than one occasion I have allowed myself to feel inferior to other mothers who have proclaimed "My children do NOT talk back to me." Then they have gone on to tell of the "one time they did and learned quickly never to do it again". Each has a different story of how they accomplished this feat with their children but they all have the same outcome: children who never dared to "talk back". I just listen in silence.

My children, all 3, are "back-talkers". There I've said it...even put it in print for anyone who finds themselves reading this blog. Have I, over the years, experienced times when I did not receive any "back-talk"? If course! But my kids have always felt free to do so when they deemed it necessary. I, like other parents, have spanked (rarely), grounded, attempted to shame, and given various punishments and consequences over my almost 28 years of parenting and have had some success. However, I cannot pretend to claim victory.

I hasten to say that I believe all 3 of my children love and respect me. They just don't always agree with what I say. Perhaps they have voiced their strong opinions too strongly on more than one occasion, but the fact remains they always felt free to speak their minds. Although, to keep peace, they have no doubt in more than one instance remained silent for one reason or another.

BUT...

They have also talked back in the face of injustice concerning not only themselves, but more often on the behalf of others. They have learned that yes, they have the right to respectfully question those in positions of authority. They have spoken out about what they truly believe even when it has not been easy...times when going along with the crowd would have been a much more popular stance. Along the way, when they have stumbled, made mistakes, and have learned life lessons, they have shared with others...opening themselves up to, in some cases, ridicule, but more often they have gained the satisfaction of knowing that their speaking out has helped someone along the way.

So, my kids are "back-talkers" and that's okay. I don't always agree with them, but I recognize that they are each unique individuals worthy of my respect. Do I have a small bit of envy to the parents who have mastered the art of relinquishing back-talk? Well, yeah, of course. I have just recognized that things are different in this family and all things considered, we're doing pretty well. :)

I laugh at people

There have been times I have felt guilty for laughing at people. Not for their looks or misfortunes but just for their "people-ness". I mean, people do funny things and don't realize it! The things they say, their expressions, the way they show anger....things like that. So here's my take on it - people need to learn to laugh at themselves!

For instance... I am in a classroom and a child will start making absurd growling noises and I will say "Is that necessary?" which is such a ridiculous comment! Do I expect him to answer "yes ma'am it is."? Or how about the age old teacher comment "that is uncalled-for!" as if the child might think "I'm not sure maybe tapping my pencil incessantly against this metal part of my desk is called-for..." these are just a few I see/perform everyday. And kids just make me laugh cause they're so darned cute!

There are times when I fall on my rear end that I realize how funny it must look and I laugh hysterically... Even if it hurts! The bad part is that, yes, I laugh at people who fall and this is construed as rude I know. Also if someone gets their words confused and it causes the whole sentence content to change, it cracks me up. Bottom line. BUT If I do this, it makes me laugh too.

So yes I laugh at myself and if my mistakes cause others to get tickled, it's okay. Seriously. Now if you laugh while I am still on the ground, check to make sure there are no broken bones after you compse yourself.

Anyone have other examples of what makes them laugh or how they have found laughter in everyday life? This laughter is serious business!

"all things" = the good and the bad

One verse in Romans is probably the verse in the Bible I claim most...sometimes several times throughout the course of the day. Sometimes I don't claim it when I should which causes unneeded worry and anxiety. The verse? Romans. 8:28. "For we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

Last week something happened that was not in my plan and appeared to be an injustice toward one of my children. Naturally, I turned into "mama bear" within seconds of this occurrence. After giving myself several minutes to "stew" (as my dad would've said), I calmed myself and said "remember, Cindy...all things!" This refers to all things...both good and bad. I went into thefamily room, sat down across from my child and asked "Do we believe it or not? Do all things really work together for good? Like even things that aren't fair...even mistakes we make...even bad choices?...ALL things! We discussed this awhile and then agreed that yes, we do believe it.
Then the Lord spoke to me..."faith not practiced isn't really faith at all." So when we hit a bump in the road, whether by our own or someone else's doing, God promises He will work it together for our good.

In my life, I have made some good choices, some bad, and some which make me doubt my own sanity. One night some 20+ years ago, I called a former spiritual advisory (aka church camp leader) and told him that since I had made some poor choices, I was afraid I had missed what God had for my life...that because of what I had done wrong, I had messed things up for the rest of my life. I will never forget what he told me, as I cried, totally despondent and poured out my fears and devastation to him. "None of this has taken God by surprise, Cindy. He put Romans 8:28 in His Word knowing what choices you would make, good and bad. "All things" means "all things".

That little conversation I had on the phone with a man named Bob Hollis (a man i have yet to talk to since), in my little garage apartment as a single mother who doubted my life would count for anything, changed my life. I truly do love God and know He has a purpose for me. Nothing can compare to the joy this brings! Claim it and believe it!

Not my New Year's Resolution

I have a few New Year's Resolutions, none of which include losing weight. I realize this is considered almost un-American. If you know me or have seen me lately it may seem even more absurd. For many who happen upon this blog, at first glance it would appear to be yet another of my rants brought on by my daughter's struggle with anorexia. In all fairness her 8 year battle has affected me greatly but I'm determined to look into the "heart" of my decision not to resolve to lose weight this year.

For as long as I can remember, I have been self-conscious about my weight. Earliest memory : My cousins, who loved me like a sister and wouldn't have hurt me for the world, called me "butterball". I was three years old. I knew they eere just "kidding" but did it affect me? Well, I remember it don't I? And that was the beginning.

As I grew up, it seems my mother was always, literally always, on a diet. And for the most part, these diets were short-lived and ended up in failure. As soon as I began to show signs of becoming "overweight" according to my mom, she began to give me advice on how to fight it. There was never a lack of acceptance or love from my mother or father, so please understand I am not insinuating there was. I truly believe that my mother thought I would be happier if I never became "fat" like she was. Therefore, it became her responsibility to do all she could to prevent it.

As an adult, I carried with me the "whatever you do, don't get fat" mentality throughout the birth of three children. There were exercise programs, many self-deprivation diets, counting fats, calories, and carbs, and even the diet pills that came from "Dr.D". ($50, cash only) Did I lose weight? Well, yeah. But it was never good enough for me. Obsessing about weight was a way of life. My weight went up and down like a yo-yo as did my opinion of myself.

There came a time when I realized the insanity of equating happiness in myself with my weight and size, but I'm not sure when that happened. My spiritual journey was an integral part of this discovery. God looks on the inward things of the heart and not the outward. This is a truth I knew well, but didn't internalize for many years. God also says "It is good" when He creates something...including people. Who am I to doubt His wisdom? "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" says the psalmist. How very basic, yet how profound.

Then came my daughter's battle. The ugly, ugly world of eating disorders invaded my home and the lives of those I love. Wow! This is true devastation...facing that your own attitude towards food and weight have affected one you would die for...your child. Talk about self-examination. Does my daughter blame us for her illness? Absolutely not. And I do not take full responsibility, but I do take a portion of it. Although she was never berated about her weight or her "looks", perhaps if I had spent less time criticizing myself, she would not have become so critical of herself and would have developed a healthier self image. But this post is not about her (who by the way is fighting the fight passionately and is determined to be victorious!). It is about me..and my reasons for not resolving to lose weight.

Reflecting upon my life thus far, I am ashamed of how many minutes, hours, heck, probably days have centered around weight loss. And none of this time can be re-lived. Tomorrow, listen to those around you and take notice of how many people mention eating too much over the holidays, being disgusted with themselves, being fat, etc. When you turn on the Tv, count the commercials which offer products and plans to make you more beautiful=thin. It is almost comical when you realize what an obsession it is. Is it any wonder that our children base their self-worth largely on their appearance? This madness has to come to an end!

Before anyone begins to list their reasons for making New Year's resolutions concerning losing weight, let me say I do not judge you. I understand there are many health concerns that necessitate losing weight. Our bodies are to be treated with respect. God has given us the responsibility to take care of them. For me, however, this translates into "accept what God has given you; practice moderation and self-respect; and concentrate on the person you are inside." I hold to the belief that in the end, that's what will matter.