My children were raised to leave...right?

I knew when I had my children that my purpose was not to keep them with me forever, but to guide them to become responsible adults and pursue their own dreams and live their own lives. After all we raise our children to one day leave home, right? Then why, tell me, do I feel this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach?

I went into Kathryn's room a few minutes ago to put some things away and stopped for a moment and looked around. The feeling I had was overwhelming. This time next week, we will be moving her into a dorm room and leaving her there. What a happy time for her! She is excited and looking so forward to this new chapter in her life and I want so badly to share that excitement with her! Actually, I do. But the sadness of not having my baby girl here is about to break my heart.

Every morning when I get ready for school, I look in on that little curly headed thing and am greeted with a "good morning, mama". As I go out the door while she is finishing up getting ready to go herself, I hear an "I love you, mama." I will miss that.

When I get home from school, I look forward to her coming home and sharing her day with me, which she almost always does. She has me laughing with her in no time at the events of the day and along with her antics, entertains me.

When dinner time comes, she won't be there at the table. And when it's time to watch "Modern Family" she won't be there to laugh with me...and eat Cheez-its. There won't be a jeep in our driveway to watch leaving on her way to softball or band practice and no more games, contests, team horn events, or impromptu gatherings of friends. How grateful I am for those memories!

Yes, she is just going to Morehead, which is very close by, and I know she will be home some. I don't want her to want to come home every weekend; although I'd love her to, I know it is not best. And I also realize this is still her "home base" as Greg calls it. But I also know it will be too quiet in the Jackson house and I will miss her.

Looking at her hubcap on the wall, her "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days" poster, her New York picture, her pictures of friends and family, her various colors of duct tape on her dresser, along with many other odds and ends makes me want to go back just one more year...or several. It doesn't seem possible that my baby girl is grown but it is not only possible, it has happened.

This sadness at the passing of time seems so very silly to me...even selfish...and for that I am a little ashamed, but feelings are feelings. period. Having been through this before, I know this overwhelming sadness will pass and I won't always feel this way. For that I am thankful.

Greg and I got married with two children, Josh was 3, Ashley was 4. So, we have never lived together without kids! Our trip to NYC was proof that we will have fun and enjoy our time together and life will go on as we watch our children live their lives and face the joys and challenges that being adults can bring. Thank God for His promise that if they are brought up in the way they should go, when they are old they will not depart from it.

Not sure why I felt the need to post all this, but I do know that my tears, for the moment have dried and I'm feeling better.  :)