Why exactly am I still a Music Teacher after all these years?

What will the new school year bring for me?

It will bring little, sweet faces, anxious to please...and faces darkened by anger, convinced that they never please anyone, so why even try.

It will bring children alert and filled with energy...and children so tired they can barely stay awake, from being up late and in some cases up all night for one reason or another.

It will bring new school clothes, shoes, and freshly washed faces...and also faces smudged with dirt from last night's outside game of hide and seek, dirty fingernails, and clothes badly in need of Tide and Downy.

It will bring good attitudes and eagerness to learn...and inattentiveness caused by worry of what the evening will bring, who will be there when they get home, or whether or not they will have a safe place to sleep.

It will bring me a wide range of emotions...happiness to see the joy in faces of those just coming to school for the very first time and those I have watched grow from year to year, sadness for those children who are carrying the weight of their little worlds on their shoulders, concern for those trying to fit in with their peers and never quite making it, frustration with students whose misbehavior affects the learning of others, and hope for the bright spot our schools offer these children regardless of where they fall in the mix.

So...this is why I teach Music:

I love children. I love music. It's that simple.

The joy that music has brought into my life is like no other. Through sharing music with countless students over the years, I feel like I have had a small part of bringing that joy into their lives...or at least trying to. From the time I first began teaching 26 years ago in a high school, part-time, with one choir class with 16 students who were quite skeptical of my abilities,  until today when I could honestly do my job of teaching K-6 students on what some would call "auto-pilot", I have sincerely cared about each student. Music has given me the chance to express that.

When I see a roomful of kindergarten students, I know that when I hand them a jingle bell, they are going to shake it and smile! When I sing a silly song and do a silly dance for them, they will always join in and willingly show their enthusiasm! When I sing their name in a song, they light up like a Christmas tree, to know that they are important enough to sing about.

Does their enthusiasm last through 6th grade?...in some, perhaps, but others, not so much. Simply because they are growing up and discovering their lives are changing and are not really sure what they are "supposed" to be enthused about. But, my hope is they will continue enjoying music in their own way as they go through life and that I, their first music teacher, had an impact.

And now, let the year begin!  I encourage all of you to sing some everyday! Music is, after all, the Universal language!

My children were raised to leave...right?

I knew when I had my children that my purpose was not to keep them with me forever, but to guide them to become responsible adults and pursue their own dreams and live their own lives. After all we raise our children to one day leave home, right? Then why, tell me, do I feel this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach?

I went into Kathryn's room a few minutes ago to put some things away and stopped for a moment and looked around. The feeling I had was overwhelming. This time next week, we will be moving her into a dorm room and leaving her there. What a happy time for her! She is excited and looking so forward to this new chapter in her life and I want so badly to share that excitement with her! Actually, I do. But the sadness of not having my baby girl here is about to break my heart.

Every morning when I get ready for school, I look in on that little curly headed thing and am greeted with a "good morning, mama". As I go out the door while she is finishing up getting ready to go herself, I hear an "I love you, mama." I will miss that.

When I get home from school, I look forward to her coming home and sharing her day with me, which she almost always does. She has me laughing with her in no time at the events of the day and along with her antics, entertains me.

When dinner time comes, she won't be there at the table. And when it's time to watch "Modern Family" she won't be there to laugh with me...and eat Cheez-its. There won't be a jeep in our driveway to watch leaving on her way to softball or band practice and no more games, contests, team horn events, or impromptu gatherings of friends. How grateful I am for those memories!

Yes, she is just going to Morehead, which is very close by, and I know she will be home some. I don't want her to want to come home every weekend; although I'd love her to, I know it is not best. And I also realize this is still her "home base" as Greg calls it. But I also know it will be too quiet in the Jackson house and I will miss her.

Looking at her hubcap on the wall, her "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days" poster, her New York picture, her pictures of friends and family, her various colors of duct tape on her dresser, along with many other odds and ends makes me want to go back just one more year...or several. It doesn't seem possible that my baby girl is grown but it is not only possible, it has happened.

This sadness at the passing of time seems so very silly to me...even selfish...and for that I am a little ashamed, but feelings are feelings. period. Having been through this before, I know this overwhelming sadness will pass and I won't always feel this way. For that I am thankful.

Greg and I got married with two children, Josh was 3, Ashley was 4. So, we have never lived together without kids! Our trip to NYC was proof that we will have fun and enjoy our time together and life will go on as we watch our children live their lives and face the joys and challenges that being adults can bring. Thank God for His promise that if they are brought up in the way they should go, when they are old they will not depart from it.

Not sure why I felt the need to post all this, but I do know that my tears, for the moment have dried and I'm feeling better.  :)