Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Forgiveness

Confession: I have been pretty lax in my Bible reading and the like here of late. Not proud of it, just honest. So, I have a little book by Stormie Omartian about praying through the Bible. Each day has a short passage to read and then a short application and prayer. Beginning in Genesis, it goes through each book and gives a few days to each. I am only in the beginning of the New Testament, so that shows I have a little way to go before finishing the book so believe me, I have read it sporadically at best. So...last night, I decided to get it off the shelf and "do a lesson".

When I opened the book and turned to where I left off last time, the passage from the book of Luke was:  Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."  


Okay, this was one of those times I thought "God, in all your vastness and greatness, you still take time to look into my heart and mind and know my thoughts!" Because...I have been thinking about forgiveness a lot lately. 

Jesus looked past what was being done to him and, because of His love for those hurting Him, asked His Father to forgive them. Read that last sentence a few times, just to see if it impacts you as it did me. He wasn't just saying that to make himself look good or to leave us a nice piece of literature to inspire us...He was saying it because His love trumped any hurt He felt. 

If my child (any of the 3) was hurting me, and I thought God would punish him/her because of it, I would most certainly say "Forgive them, Father, for they don't know what they're doing." Why? Because I love them. No matter what they do, I want God to forgive them and would beg for that right in the midst of anything they do.

Why, then, do I not have that reaction when someone hurts them or someone else I care about? If my child is hurt by someone, why don't I have the reaction of: "Forgive those who are hurting my child, Father, for they don't know what they're doing."? What about Greg? Do I ask God's mercy on those that hurt him? And even other members of my family and my friends...there are hurts inflicted years ago that I still cringe when I think of them and I don't think I've ever said "God forgive them, for they didn't know what they were doing." 

Why is my reaction so different than the reaction of Jesus (who I claim to know, love, and follow)? I'm afraid it is simply because I do not love with the love of Jesus. Ouch! That's painful. It's not all about my forgiving them, although I should. (I have been in great need of others' forgiveness plenty of times) It's about the fact that if I love them with "Jesus love", I will automatically think "Forgive them, Father" because of that love. It is just that simple.

I will only have that natural and total forgiveness (without struggling and grudge holding) when I truly have "Jesus love" to share. And God knows I WANT to forgive! After all, how can I not, knowing He has forgiven me? I just feel as if He has shown me the only way is to have His love for others. My prayer now is going to be "God, give me that kind of "Jesus love" for ALL people everyday." Then, the forgiveness issue shouldn't be an issue anymore.

Even when I am "lax"...all it takes is my turning to Him and it's as if He says "Welcome back, Cindy, let's go on from here." And that's what kind of a God I serve.


Saturday, May 11, 2013

Let me tell you about my mother...

Let me tell you about my mother because there are some things you may not know...some things I'd like to stand up on the top of the world and shout, but realizing this is neither practical, nor possible, this will have to do.

    Let me tell you about my mother. Let me tell you about her hands. Those hands could prepare a beef roast dinner like no other (closest Aunt Alva's).
    Those hands could sew beautiful clothes for years, to include many, many uniforms for band and baton competitions, and more importantly, even a wedding dress for my sister.
    They were tender enough to feed my sister when she was a newborn with a tiny medicine dropper for weeks, yet strong enough to backhand a sassy teenager. (all of us at one time or another)
    Those hands wrote more encouraging letters than I could count. each one giving me the courage to stay in college no matter what...Her encouragement? The weekend was coming and when I got home she'd have me a roast beef dinner waiting...and we'd go shopping.
    They could wipe the tears from the eyes of a baby, a young child, a teenager whose heart was broken, a young mother whose heart was broken, and even the tears of this child pretty much every time I visited her in the nursing home and had to leave her there.
    My mother's hands were the strongest I ever held. In any situation, if I could just hold onto her, I knew I was safe. I will miss them.

    Let me tell you about her feet. Oh! The places they've been! Dad didn't like to travel much, just to Gatlinburg and back, and of course they stayed at Marshall's Creek Rest...every time. Status quo for Dad. I got a few trips to Myrtle Beach out of them simply because I wore Dad down, but basically he was a homebody.
    Not my mother! Her travels have taken her to Arizona and through each and every state in between as she and Aunt Gerry went to visit her brother, but weren't the best at following a map. Suffice to say they called periodically on their adventure and we could barely understand them for the laughter!
     Mom was always the chaperone for every school trip I went on...first when I was a student, then when I "grew up" and was the teacher! If a New York trip was planned, she was top on the list of chaperones. The travel agent simply put her name down as "Mom".
    The thing about Mom's feet was this: They were always about 2 steps behind you! I knew throughout my life that she was there and somehow she knew just when to step up beside me.

    Let me tell you about her eyes...my mother's beautiful blue eyes. Those eyes were the kindest eyes, the wisest eyes, and yes, the all-seeing eyes of a mother who knew her children. With one look she knew if you had gotten a speeding ticket, if someone had hurt your feelings, if you had been treated unfairly, if you were scared, worried, angry, troubled, or just sad. Not a word had to be spoken if Mom could look into your eyes. This because a challenge for many years since her eyesight practically left her, but believe me, those eyes could still see into the hearts of her children and they were as blue as ever.

    Let me tell you about my mother's heart. My mother's heart was filled with totally unselfish love for her family. First for Dad, then for Margie, Bobby, Tommy, Julia, and me. There was not a child, grandchild, or a great-grandchild she wouldn't have laid down her life for. It was not about "Mom"...ever. Not a one of us could deny that Mom's life was lived for her kids. When she was unable to give materially or physically anymore it broke her heart. I assured her that she had given more abundantly than any parent I knew of and it was our turn to give to her. She accepted gifts, graciously, but was sad when her time came to be only on the receiving end.

    My mother was my best friend. she was my confidant. She was the one I shared my laughs with and my tears. She was the person I gave my best hugs to. I will miss those hugs, those dear sweet hands, those tired feet, and those beautiful crystal blue eyes. But, her heart will live on in me because I am part of her and for that I am eternally grateful.

   




Sunday, April 7, 2013

Deodorant Posts

Does anyone else have "Deodorant Posts" but me? As of late, I am forgetting to put my deodorant on before I get dressed in the morning. Now, I have 3 different scents of Dove deodorant, plus a stick of Sure in my bathroom in various locations, but I still forget for some reason. We will refer to my bathroom as Post #1.

Post #2-dresser beside my lightswitch. This is the last thing I touch before I leave the bedroom in the morning. My husband has finally trained me to turn off the lights when I'm not in the room. If I must got past the deodorant (Secret) on the dresser, then surely my memory will be jogged, right? Not necessarily...

Post #3-my purse. I keep a deodorant there at all times (Degree). Oftentimes, I find myself remembering as I drive to school in the morning and !AHA! I can apply in the parking lot! Or if need be when I get inside to a discreet place.

Post #4-school desk. At present, I only have one school stocked (Suave), but I will take care of that by next year. This is in case, I suppose, I don't want to go to the trouble of looking through my purse.

At this time, those are my only posts. I cannot say why I have 5 different brands because I honestly don't know. And to be honest, I don't know which I prefer. But, by the time I begin my day officially, I do have it on.

This morning as I was putting on my Secret, it dawned on me how very disfunctional this is. But really, it's functional for me.

Monday, March 4, 2013

I'm thinking again...about "all things"...

I have quoted this verse to my children, my family members, my friends, and anyone I know who struggles with heartache, unexplainable tragedy, pain, loss, and the like:
"For we know all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to him purpose."  Because I do believe that. (In fact, I wrote one entire post about it awhile back)

BUT

This verse is talking about the people who "love God and are the called according to His purpose". But how about the people who don't?

This may not be a revelation to most people, but to me it was. Here was my thought process:

So, if God is only working things out for those who love Him, then only those who love Him can expect things to be for their good, right? But what about the others? Does that mean that God isn't working out things for them?...Can they have this same confidence that we, as believers, do?

And here was my conclusion:

From the beginning of our lives, God starts drawing us to himself. People get in our way, things get in our way, experiences get in our way, but still....He is drawing us to himself. The working out of things for people who have not received the love of the Savior is this: He is working throughout your lives in so many ways, to draw you to Him. Some people turn to God in good times; some turn to him in times when there is nowhere else to go. But this I know-He is there when you turn to him.

So...yes, all things work together for our good before we know the Lord because everything in our lives is used of God to draw us to Him. Pain, heartache, loss, even joy and peace. . .all are part of God giving us a chance to turn to Him, whether in sorrow, desperation, exhaustion, or thanksgiving.  Then as we walk in His grace, he continues to work our lives out for our good, no matter how it may seem to us, even when we don't truly believe it. . .it is still Truth! And that's all we can count on, that God's Word and Promises are True!

Many times, I have used the Romans 8:28 verse to comfort people in tough times...realizing that many of these heartbroken people hadn't ever thought about God's give of love and grace. And I've wondered "Am I being honest? Cause this verse clearly says to those who love God?" But  God has been working since the beginning of each and every persons life to draw them into His arms...so....it is truth for all of us. When He works for good...He knows the ultimate "good" is His love for us.

So, if you, my friends, have taken time to read this little post, I say to you:
Yes, He is working for your good...during all the tumultuous times in your lives. He is trying to show you that in all things, He is there and longs for You to draw close to Him. Whether you ever have before or whether you have been turning to Him for years, it doesn't matter. He loves you and longs for you to experience His love and grace...and THAT is what is truly for your "good".

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Thoughts after today's sermon

Matthew 6 begins with telling us that we are not to do good deeds to be noticed by men. If our motive is to be recognized by men, then we receive that reward when we are recognized, commended, praised, noticed. But, Jesus says that we shouldn't let our left hand know what our right hand is doing. In other words, we shouldn't want any recognition from people for doing good. These words have been in my mind all day and I have some serious questions and concerns.

In the world (school, sports, etc.) our children are awarded medals, trophies, grades, and such for their hard work and their achievements. I am a part of that. This gives kids incentive to do their best and to realize that as they grow up, life will treat them that way. Doing good, working hard, being all they can be = A successful, prosperous, fulfilling life. Right? After all, that is the way the world works.

But, how about in our churches? I wonder if we are doing what Jesus would have us do by giving children rewards for memorizing scripture, bringing a Bible to church, knowing the books of the Bible, etc. Those achievements are definitely worth working toward and encouraging our children to strive for. But are we teaching them exactly what Jesus said not to do? I think of this especially when I see adults given "awards" at church for various services and achievements. Really? Definitely against what scripture teaches...at least it seems so to me.

I read in a book recently (can't recall which one) that our "award system" in our children's programs at church are so off-base that we need to step back and re-evaluate what we are doing. For example, a child never misses Sunday School for 3 months, brings a Bible with them, and always knows their memory verse. After 3 months, we give that child an opportunity to get something from the "box" (which is filled with kid-friendly dollar store items). But, the child who struggles to get his/her parents up in time to get to Sunday School, never remembers (and is never reminded by a parent) to bring a Bible, let alone learn a memory verse, does not get this chance. Wow! That stings! And, yet, we do it, week after week, year after year.

I have been as guilty of this as anyone, but it has hit me hard today. We are teaching our kids that doing what God asks of us is rewarded when people at church evaluate your works. In reality, we are showing them that they should do good deeds and we will reward them. So, it would seem we are teaching them that their motive is "to be recognized by men".

Am I simply off on a tangent? Maybe. Tell me what you think...anyone who wonders.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Request granted

I was reading my journal from 1986 today...the winter before I met Greg the following May. To say I was depressed is a major understatement. In fact, as I read it this morning, I could hardly relate to the girl who wrote it some 27 years ago.

There was such a loneliness in my life at that time. Being a single parent was not what I had planned for my life. In fact just a few years before, I had no plans of being a parent at all, let alone a single, divorced one. I felt blessed beyond belief to be a mother. On more than one occasion, I had made the observation that "in spite of my mistakes and failures, God has given me this precious baby boy." Still a part of my heart was broken and empty.

Within the pages of that journal, I read thoughts and prayers of the lonely 23 year old girl and found something that was absolutely overwhelming. One night, I had written a prayer, pleading with God to send someone that would love me. I had described in great detail exactly the kind of man I was asking Him to give and even explaining why (as if He didn't know my heart already ;). Because it was so personal, I hesitate to share the details, but to generalize a few:  "someone who will love me so much that I will never doubt it...someone who loves the Lord...someone I can feel free to share everything with and who will share everything with me freely...someone who will love my son and take care of us...someone whose eyes even show how much he loves me..." and the specific qualifications went on. What an order that would be to fill! I can't help but wonder if I truly believed God would answer.

25+ years later, I can say without any reservation that God answered that prayer. All of it! Our marriage has not been perfect and we have faced many obstacles, but through it all, Greg Jackson has never failed to be everything I had ever hoped for as a husband!  I don't think it was ever as clear to me as it was this morning as I read the prayer I so desperately laid before the Lord that night.

How many prayers have I prayed with the same desperation over the years? Being a mother of 3, many! Why could I ever doubt that God hears these prayers and will answer?I don't know, but I do. My prayer, like the man who brought his son to Jesus to be healed, is "I believe, Lord, help my unbelief." I give praise unto "Him, Who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us."






Monday, September 3, 2012

Wonderful? Who, me?

Psalm 139:13-14 read "You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  Hmmmmmm...

As I read this Psalm yesterday morning, I took awhile to ponder these verses. I've quoted them to both my daughters over the years to assure them that God made them as they are and they are wonderful because His works are wonderful! But, I don't believe these words have touched me quite so deeply as they did when I read them yesterday.

God made me exactly how he wanted me to be.  Exactly how I look, exactly how I think, exactly how I feel...exactly who I am.

I definitely have areas I need to work on and improve concerning my life, BUT not on who I am. And there is one area that I often joke about, but it frankly bothers me...

I have the desire to: paint, sew, sculpt, do yoga, mountain-climb, make stained glass windows, have a dress shop with clothing designed specifically for women wearing D size cups and bigger, Christmas carol to everyone in my neighborhood, become a motivational speaker, and sky-dive. (The list could go on and on, but it's getting a little embarrassing.)

Now, God made me as a person who desires to do a lot of stuff! We can all agree to that. But, why? Common sense tells me that I will not do most of those things and if I do, I will not become accomplished or even see these endeavors through to fruition. Instead of beating myself up about this and thinking I have failed because of my fleeting desires, I am accepting that God put them there. Can I search for the purpose? Sure, but why waste the energy? I will continue to explore new things...and hey, maybe even complete some projects. But this I know-with each new experience, God has a purpose. How do I know this? Because He made me this way. :)

And here's the cool thing: It ain't just me! You are fearfully and wonderfully made as well.